When a new parent or step siblings joins the family, things can get much trickier and more confusing. The story here focuses on a stepfather who, throughout his life, was reminded by his wife’s daughter that he was “just her mom’s husband,” and who was never recognized as a dad by her.
She ignored the man for years, but when she started struggling out of money, she went to him for help. Originally wanting to help, the stepfather reversed his decision when the “entitled” woman made demands on how she expected him to deliver the support.
In early January, a man shared his story on the ‘Am I the A******’ subreddit, detailing a situation involving his late wife’s now adult daughter.
The man, who goes by the handle Commercial Panda, explains that when he married his wife, he became a father figure to her two children, daughter Juana, 12 and son Lago, who was eight. The couple also added two more children, now teenagers, to the family.
Juana and Iago’s biological father, Juan, is a deadbeat who “rarely paid child support and he worked under the table a lot to lower the amount he should pay.” Despite Juan’s shady behavior, like once switching a label of a gift to Iago so it appeared to come from him, the kids adore him.
“He can do no wrong in their eyes. When Juana got married, he walked her down the aisle even though I paid for the wedding,” the author writes. “I wasn’t even acknowledged on the invitation. Once again, I didn’t start s*** because the wedding wasn’t about me.”
‘Just her mom’s husband’
The original posting (OP) explains that soon after the birth of Juana’s first kid, their relationship only became worse. He writes, “I was told in no uncertain terms that I was not going to be her kids’ grandfather. I was just her mom’s husband.”
After his wife died, the author writes he’s developed a relationship with Lago, who’s always been polite with his stepdad. “After their mom died, he still came to see me and we often shared a meal. He has brought his fiancé to meet me, and he hand delivered my invitation to make sure I knew he wanted me there.”
Juana, on the other hand, went silent after her mother’s funeral.
“Since her mom’s passing Juana has not contacted me. The funeral was the last time I saw her or her kids. I thought Iago’s wedding would be the next time I would see her,” he writes.
In a surprising turn of events, he got a phone call from Juana, who hadn’t spoken with him in years.
But she wasn’t calling out of kindness.
“The economy has kicked her family pretty hard, and they lost their house. They need a place to stay, she called me about moving in with me” he writes, adding he lives in the house Juana and Iago grew up, that he owned before the family moved in.
Writing that Juan lives in a bachelor apartment and Iago in another city, the OP explains that he’s the only one in a position to help.
“I am not super excited about letting someone who dislikes me into our lives. But I’m still willing to help her,” he writes.
Redditors jumped in with comments, warning the man of the consequences involved with letting his “entitled” step daughter move into his home.
One user commented that: “If she did move in I doubt she would ever leave. She’s very entitled for someone who is facing homelessness. Don’t let someone in your house that hates you! It would be a complete nightmare!”
A second shared that:, “She’s an ungrateful brat and once in you’d never get her out without involving the courts.”
Meanwhile, another writes Juana’s motivations of calling were less than pure. “The fact that she also didn’t reach out to him when her mother passed and did so when she needed something says a lot.”
Juana’s expectations
After that, Juana began to make requests regarding her living environment.
“She wants me to move my kids into their old rooms so her family can have the basement suite in my house,” he said of Juana’s request, which means disrupting the lives of his two teenagers. “I told her no. I wasn’t going to uproot my kids from their area to accommodate her. I offered to let her have two rooms upstairs with me. She said she didn’t want that. Only the basement suite would do. I said it wasn’t going to happen.”
Disliking her stepfather’s response, Juana took a different approach and tried to guilt him into a different answer. “She said that if her mother were alive, she would make me let her have the basement since it was her house too. I reminded her that I owned the house before I married her mom and that it was 100% mine.”
Needing validation on his response to his entitled stepdaughter, the man spoke with Juana’s brother, who said “she was dumb not to take the help.”
Before asking Redditors for advice, the confused father pens: “I feel bad about this whole situation but I’m not going to move my kids out of their space. They are teenagers now and I am teaching them to take care of themselves. They are also still dealing with losing their mom.”
One netizen suggests “[Juana] wants the basement suite so she still doesn’t have to interact with OP, despite living in his house.”
“Not your kid. She’s made that plain. Don’t do or give her anything. She’s an entitled [as*****].”
Another cyber fan, praising the OP’s kindness, writes, “If OP ‘The Saint’ decides to let her the two rooms he needs an ironclad tenancy agreement. Set end date. Contributions to utilities in writing. All that jazz.”
This is a very complicated situation, and we really hope the poster finds a solution that works for him and his two children.
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