The quarrel had reached a new height when the wife said to her spouse,
“I wish I’d taken my mother’s advice and never married you.”
Hubby swung around, “Do you mean to tell me that your mother tried to stop you from marrying me?”
Every Sunday afternoon a mother found a candy bar wrapper in her young son’s room.
She finally had to ask:
“Johnny, why do I find a candy bar wrapper in your room every Sunday after church?”
He answered by saying that God gave him the money and he used it to buy a candy bar.
The mother quickly replied.
“God gave it to you? How did this happen?”
“Well Mom, you give me a dollar to give to God.”
“So before church every Sunday I throw it up into the air. I figure if God wants it he’ll take it. If not, it will fall back down to me.”
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A very wealthy elderly lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charity that comes his way.
The local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet.
They go to his door and he answers,
“What do you want?”
One of the ladies replies,
“Hello, Mr Smith. We know you are very wealthy and we know you also never give to charity. Wouldn’t you enjoy giving back to an organization that helps dogs much like your own?”
The old lawyer looks her dead in the eye and replies,
“Do you also know that both of my parents are suffering from life-threatening illnesses and have medical bills several times their own income?”
The lady, taken back, replies,
“Well… No… I thought…”
He interrupts her,
“Did you also know my sister’s husband left her and their two kids without a penny?”
Still stuttering she replies, “Um… Oh my….”
“And my brother lost his legs in the war,” The lawyer continues.
At this point, the people from the shelter are dumbstruck and aren’t saying a word.
Then he finishes,
“If they don’t get a cent, do you expect to?”
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