Fred is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”
Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”
His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”
The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”
Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
A farmer brought a little pot-belly pet pig for his daughter.
The little girl called it “Stinky” when she played with it out in the yard,
but she called it “Ballpoint” when it was in the sty.
“Tell me,” asked her father,
“Why do you have two names for your pig?”
“That’s easy,” the daughter replied,
“Ballpoint is just his pen name.”
A Man Went To Buy A Pig
A city slicker went to the country to buy a pig. When he approached the pig farmer, he asked for a 25-pound pig.
The pig farmer put the pig’s tail in his mouth and bobbed his head up and down.
He then told the city slicker that the pig was too heavy – it was 30 pounds.
The city slicker told the farmer he didn’t believe that was the way to weigh pigs.
The farmer called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig.
The son put the pig’s tail in his mouth, bobbed his head a couple of times and said the pig weighed 30 pounds.
The city slicker said the farmer and his son were putting him on.
The farmer told his son to go get his mother and have her come out and weigh the pig. The son went into the house and after a few minutes came out again.
“Mom’s weighing the mailman.”
A Pig Walks Into A Pub.
A pig walks into a pub.
He goes up to the bar and sees a curious-looking bottle bubbling away with mist emanating from the top.
Slightly flummoxed he asks the barman,
“What’s this about then?”
The barman replies,
“Well, this is a mystic potion, a concoction of my very own. Take a sip and it’ll magically release your full potential.”
“[email protected]” shouts the pig.
“You see that big cat over there,” the barman says, pointing at a huge lion,
“He used to be a puny house kitty. He took a sip of the magic potion and now he’s King of the jungle”.
“That guy over there,” pointing to a toothy crocodile,
“He used to be a tiny lizard until he took a sip of the magic potion and now he’s the top of the food chain!”
“Okay,” said the pig.
He grabbed the potion and took a large swig. A puff of smoke instantly enveloped him, and as it cleared he looked down at himself in utter shock.
He had been transformed into a human!
“What the hell has your potion done to me?” shouts the pig
“Hmmm”, says the barman,
“how do you feel?”
“I feel like… I feel… I want to be more selfish… I feel like lying, like promising the world only to not deliver…”
“Yep, as I expected”, says the barman,
“it’s turned you into a politician”.
