Am I Jerk Missing My Grandchild’s Birth To Attend My Other Daughter’s Wedding.
In what may be the ultimate test of favoritism, a mother devastated her daughter by missing the birth of her first child in favor of her other daughter’s wedding. The woman was left in the awkward position of having to choose between two joyous events.
Writing on the “Am I the A******” forum, the woman shared:
“I am the mother to two wonderful daughters; Sophia, 32 and Nichole 26 and I’m really not sure if I was cruel toward Sophia for my decision or not. Nichole got married this year and Sophia had her first child which is my first grandchild.
I’ve had a good relationship with both my daughters and I’ve always tried to make sure neither of them felt like I favored the other but I admit there were some rough patches with Sophia. When Nichole got engaged she asked if I would walk her down the aisle since her father has never been in her life. I asked her what about her uncles or brother and she said no, she wanted me. I was more than happy to agree and helped her plan her wedding. My daughter Sophia announced her pregnancy around the beginning of the year. The timing panned out that she would be due after Nichole’s wedding so she asked if I would be in the delivery room with her and stay with her and her husband for a few weeks after the baby was born to help out. I was very excited too, and since we already live in the same town and see each other almost daily, staying with her wouldn’t have been a problem at all.
Instead, Sophia went into labor almost 3 weeks early; the afternoon before Nichole’s wedding. I missed Sophia’s first call because I was already almost 2.5 hours away where Nichole lives and helping set things up and doing last minutes errands to help. When I called her back I found out she was in labor and she wanted me to get there as soon as possible. I told Sophia I would do the best I could and would let her know immediately when I’d be there. I explained the situation to Nichole, who understandably also wanted me to be there for her but understood that Sophia wanted me with her too. Nichole was able to move her ceremony to the morning and make it a quick 25ish minute ceremony and there would just be a few hours gap between the ceremony and reception. I thought this was a good compromise that would let me be there for both of my girls. I called Sophia and she wanted me to get there that night. I asked if her husband was with her and she said yes, so I asked her to please consider him as a second choice until I could get there. Sophia got upset and told me to forget about it.
I got to the hospital early the next afternoon and missed the birth by a couple of hours. Sophia was so mad she didn’t want me to come in when she was moved to a room. I thought that was understandable and she would talk to me soon but it’s been a couple of weeks now and I have tried to apologize to her. I’ve talked to my son-in-law and he said they’re both mad that I chose to ditch Sophia when she needed me most for a party. So I am here asking an outsider’s perspective if I was wrong to not go to the hospital right away. AITA?
Edit: I did not stay for Nichole’s reception. I left immediately following the ceremony, she still had to wait a few hours from the end of her wedding ceremony in the morning until her reception that afternoon. It could not be pushed back later in the day due to the reception venue having an event in the evening.
NTA and I’m really surprised by the responses here. A wedding is not just a party. It’s a once in a lifetime event and almost by definition has parents there to celebrate (unless there’s an exceptionally strained relationship).
Childbirth is a medical procedure that usually only has 1-2 support people and in many families happens 2-3 or more times. It’s nice, but not common or even expected, to have grandma there.
And it’s not like you planned to attend one over the other. The baby came 3 weeks early. Your other daughter rescheduled her wedding (!!) in hopes of you making both work out. How anyone could assume you intended to prioritize one kid over another or that people weren’t accommodating enough considering what was done here just baffles my mind.”
The viral story generated more than 3,500 comments as people rushed to weigh in on the drama.
Many people praised Nichole for rescheduling her wedding, while others expressed sympathy for the woman who gave birth without her mother.
One person comment said: “You are NTA. This was an impossible situation and you did your best.”
“You didn’t go to a party-you walked your daughter down the aisle for her wedding. You are NTA. I hope for your sake that Sophia grows up enough to realize a few things-especially the fact that she is acting poorly and could damage her relationship with you.”
A top comment said: “NTA (Not the A******) and I’m really surprised by the responses here. A wedding is not just a party. It’s a once in a lifetime event and almost by definition has parents there to celebrate (unless there’s an exceptionally strained relationship).
“And the sister had her husband with her. She wasn’t alone or unsupported.”
Other person comment said: “So Sophie missed her own sister’s wedding.
And had you not been able to attend Nichole’s wedding, she would have not had either her mom or her sister there.
I’m sorry you’re in this position, but it’s an impossible one and you’re NTA for not being able to be in 2 places at once.
I hope Sophia calms down, gets some sense into her, stops being so selfish and pissy and sees that it’s absolutely unfair that she expected you to go to such lengths with 2 very important milestones for both of your daughters.
Yes, a birth is important, but you’ll be there for the rest of your grandchild’s life and this is just a case of unfortunate timing that is beyond anyone’s control. You already compromised with both situations and if Sophia continues to be pissy about it, I’d just chill out from her life for a bit until she can get into a more reasonable state of mind..”
One person rebutted: “i see a lot of men in the replies saying giving birth isn’t as important as a wedding. y’all know giving birth is 10x more stressful and dangerous compared to walking down the [aisle] right? husbands are kinda useless in the delivery room tbh, every woman wants their mom in there.”
“NAH (No A****** Here) – Two major life events for your daughters overlapped in a way that was out of anyone’s control,” another said.
“You tried to be there for both, even getting the ceremony time adjusted to further accommodate, but ultimately one party was going to be disappointed no matter what. I think you did your best in an unwinnable situation, and Sophia will come to understand that in time.”
Source:reddit.com
