A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends,
“Change your course, 10 degrees west. ”The light signals back, “Change yours, 10 degrees east.”
The captain gets a little annoyed.
He signals,
“I’m a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir. ”He signals, “I’m a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.”
The light signals back, “I’m a Seaman First Class. You must change your course, sir. ”Now the captain is mad.
He signals, “I’m an aircraft carrier. I’m not changing my course. ”The light signals back a final message: “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on its final approach.
The pilot comes on the intercom,
“This is your Captain. We’re on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto.”
He forgets to switch off the intercom, and the whole plane can hear his conversation with his co-pilot.
The copilot says to the pilot,
“Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?”
“Well,” says the skipper,
“First I’m gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap . . . then I’m gonna take that new stewardess with the huge ta-tas out for dinner . . . . then I’m gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and put it to her big time all night long!”
Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the isles, trying to get a look at the new stewardess.
Meanwhile, the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane.
She’s so embarrassed that she tries to run to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and falls on her face.
The old lady leans over and says:
“No need to hurry, dear. He’s gonna take a sh!t first.”
