Recently, someone asked me if I had ever heard of someone raising a child that wasn’t their own. My friend was speaking specifically about a man raising another man’s baby. My friend was asking because she had a friend who found out that she was pregnant by one man, but was in love with another. As it turns out, the man she loved was willing to raise the baby even though it wasn’t his. By his way of thinking, he and the woman weren’t in a committed relationship when she got pregnant and he didn’t see it as a betrayal. He’s even excited to become a father and has promised to never treat this child any differently. I think they’ll be just fine. But what if it was a betrayal, if the situation were different? Would he be able to raise the child? Some could and some couldn’t. Enjoy this story below.
My wife and I had known each other for about 5 years, together for about 3 or 4. She’s from Eastern Europe originally, but came here as a student. She ended up not completing her course and dropping out, moving in with me while we were dating. We made plans for marriage a while ago, and everything fell into place according to plan. Things were going perfectly. She met my family, they loved her, things were going great.
We went ahead with the marriage as planned. I am absolutely certain I am in love with this woman, I thought everything was going great.
However, after the wedding, things weren’t the same. I always felt there was a distance, something strange in her behavior. Well, recently she opened up to me and confessed to me the truth: there was a chance the baby wasn’t mine. She was crying and extremely apologetic, telling me she loved me. I believe her.
Apparently around the time she conceived, she had gone to a party with some of her friends, and ended up having drunk sex with some stranger. She didn’t even know his name, she could barely remember what he looks like. She said she’s regretted it ever since.
I was shocked, I felt numb. I had no idea how to respond. I told her we need to do a paternity test, she agreed. She made me promise I’d stay with her if the baby was mine, I relented.
She said it was the worst decision of her life and she had regretted every day ever since, and she had only trusted me to open up to me because she loved me, and knew I loved her and would forgive her.
At the time, I didn’t know what I’d do if I found out the baby wasn’t mine.
Well, we did the procedure, we had to see a geneticist, explain our reasons. It wasn’t cheap, but I had to know. It involved taking a sample from the placenta of the child.
Well it turns out I wasn’t the father. I couldn’t believe it. My wife, the woman I loved, cheated on me and was pregnant with someone else’s child.
I didn’t know what to do. Part of me loved her and know she loved me, but the other part of me couldn’t handle this.
I had no idea what would happen to her if I left her. She has no source of income, she has no family here, only a few friends. She’d have to support herself and a child on her own. I don’t think I’d have it in me to keep supporting them.
Part of me strongly wanted a divorce, or an annulment. But I’m wasn’t sure if that’s the right thing to do, or if I should just stay in this marriage. I know she would suffer incredibly if I left her, personally, emotionally and financially. But I also know I don’t really have an obligation to this child that’s not mine, or to her once we divorce.
I know she made a mistake. But I still loved her. I think it could happen to anybody, especially under the influence of useless friends. I was confused and decided to go to a quiet place. I went to the church, sat there for a long time asking God for help. An old couple noticed me and approached me asking what’s wrong?
As I started crying I told them everything and explained my dilemma. I don’t know what made me tell them my personal story but I did. Then they told me if I truly loved her I’d forgive her and accept the child. If she is sorry, I should give her a chance. They told me to be strong and go be with her as she needed me more than ever, to comfort her.
Love is being with your partner through all ups and downs, they said. They said that they know it would be difficult for me but they seemed sure the two of us would be a wonderful couple and great parents to the little one.
Somewhere in my heart I started to ponder on the advice this beautiful couple gave me and I suddenly felt a sense of inner peace. It’s been a few years since then, and let me tell you we are happily married with a beautiful baby girl whose all ready to attend her first day of kindergarten. My daughter is my best friend, and my wife and I have never loved each other as much as we do today.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
